[More thoughts from new fan Ashley Ertle.]

They say music speaks to your soul. I never personally experienced it until Phish.

My boyfriend and I just had a really hard conversation. It’s the type of conversation where you leave and you’re scared about your future. I began to question everything and my anxiety went into threat level midnight. When my anxiety is to the point of where I have to repeat phrases of positive self-talk, I immediately go outdoors.

Nature is calming. It reminds you that the world is much bigger than whatever problem you’re facing. It breathes life into you and gives the peace you need at that moment. Clarity and calm come from nature. The next time life seems to be just too much, escape into the outdoors.

The first and only studio album I’ve listened to is The Story of the Ghost. I know, I know what about Rift?! Lawn Boy?! Well, this is where I am right now. I listened to it for a few weeks non-stop, but always skipped #4. I didn’t even know the name of that song. The jam was just too long and intense for me, so I skipped #4.

On this particular day, on my escape to nature to calm me, I went on a walk with my dog, Ranger. I’m walking along the sidewalk, listening to Phish, as I usually do when I walk him. I was thinking about the conversation I had with my boyfriend, going through the words again in my head, and wondering how was this all going to be okay? At that exact moment Trey spoke into my ear: “I’m bouncing like a newborn elf, I can’t remain inside myself.” And the tears just silently flowed.

He knew.

He spoke the words my soul was feeling, but couldn’t explain, and I lost it.

I immediately looked up the song name upon returning home, and listened to live versions from each Phish era: 90s, early 00s, and from Baker’s Dozen. The song played on repeat for a straight week. That jam I initially thought was too intense is what kept me going and gave me life.

I have contemplated writing this story down for weeks now. At the gym this morning, I was thinking about this story once again. Should I write it? What would I say? I get into the car, turn the key, and what do I hear immediately?

“I’m bouncing like a newborn elf, I can’t remain inside myself”

If that’s not the universe telling me to write this down, I’m not sure what else is……

You ask why I seem “Phish obsessed”? This is why.

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