Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1994-06-30

TREY: Right about this time, I’m going to tell everyone a little story here. As someone may have guessed already, it’s a story about a dog. This story begins in sort of a different land, a place that some of you have been before. For those of you that haven’t been there, you should visit because it’s a nice place to visit. As the sticker says, Visit Gamehendge.

Now if ever you are to visit Gamehendge, there’s a special way that you get there, some of you may already know. You have to say the magic words of “Kung” and by saying the magic words of “Kung,” you will find yourself miraculously transferred to Gamehendge. The strange thing about is you may seem in your outer body parts that you’re still wherever you happen to be, in Virginia, in this room, but really your mind and spirit will have left your body and transferred to Gamehendge. If you want to get there, all you have to say is:

[band performs “Kung”]

That’s it, we did it. We are in Gamehendge. When I say from the hills, i’m talking about those hills over there. Those are the hills that the hero of our story live. One of the heroes is this old guy that has this dog named Harpua. This old guy lived around the town, and nobody really liked him because he was a little bit different from the rest of the people of the town. He used to get chastised all the time. You know, people would walk on the other side of the street from him and stuff until finally he became so embarrassed and so self conscious that he was basically forced to move out of the town and up into the mountains.

As he lived in the mountains, he kind of got hairier and uglier and dirtier. He was still the same person inside, but everybody in town hated him more and more. Legends grew about what an evil person he was. He didn’t start out as an evil person, but as people kept saying that about him, he started to really become the thing that they, the way that they envisioned him. He got eviler and eviler or more and more evil. What he did, he started training his dog Harpua to become a horrible attack dog, a killer attack dog. After years and years of training, one day he sent the attack dog down into the town. He looked Harpua in the eye, and he said “Harpua, my dog, I want you to go into the town, and I want you to seek my revenge on these awful people who chastised me and sent me out of the town.”

So this was it. Years had gone by. The dog started to go into town, he was walking into town that day. He was going to seek his revenge. He was going to go on a killing spree in the town. So, he walks into town, and one of the first places he goes is this little suburban street. He goes up to this particular house. Meanwhile, inside this house, someone lives inside this house, and this is the real hero of the story because in this house, ladies and gentlemen, lived this young boy, and his name was Jimmy.

Jimmy lived in this little suburban house. It just so happened that Jimmy on this particular day, who lived in this perfect suburban house, it turns out that Harpua picked Jimmy’s house. Harpua was going to come wreak havoc on Jimmy’s peaceful suburban life. But the strange thing was, on this particular day when he got to Jimmy’s door, scratching and clawing at the door, that Jimmy wasn’t home. Jimmy was in the middle of town doing karaoke at a bar.

Now to go any further in this story, we’re going to need a volunteer -- Brad looks like he’s picked a volunteer -- to be our Jimmy for today. Let’s hear it for this guy; I don’t know you are but… OK, this is Shaun. Shaun is playing Jimmy in our little play today. Shaun is going to take the place of Jimmy. Jimmy is down at a local bar, and he’s doing karaoke.

[band launches into “Honky Tonk Women” featuring Shaun on vocals, who after finishes says, “Hey after the show, head over to the Memphis and see the Headstone Circle tonight”]

So there he was, let’s hear it for that guy

FISH: That was Jimmy. That was awesome.

TREY: Ok, so there’s Jimmy down there, he’s having a great time: he’s drinking beer, he’s doing karaoke. He’s sitting there with his little pet cat next to him, just having a grand ole time. This particular bar lets cats into the bar. He’s sat back, feet are up on the table, drinking a beer, and he looks down at his cat, picks up his cat, petting his cat on the head. He says to the cat , “If you weren’t such a special cat, I don’t think i’d bring you down here to karaoke, but I just can’t stand to leave you alone. You’re so pretty. You’re such a beautiful little cat. O, I love you. You’re so nice, just such a nice cat, my sweet, my sweet little cat, my sweet little POSTER NUTBAG!!!”

“Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, I love you so much Poster Nutbag.” At this point, Poster Nutbag looks up at Jimmy and he gives him this eye that basically says he needs to go outside. So, Jimmy puts him on the floor, and Poster Nutbag walks toward the front door, out the front door, into the suburban area they’re in, and starts walking down the street.

Meanwhile, Harpua, who’s been trained to be a mean, vicious killer, has picked up the scent of Poster Nutbag, which he first senses at the doorway he was scratching on when Jimmy wasn’t home. He’s walking along, he’s walking toward the bar, and he comes around the corner. Poster Nutbag comes around the other corner.

Poster Nutbag turns and sees Harpua. Harpua turns and sees Poster Nutbag. Nutbag. ‘Pua. Bag. ‘Pua. Bag. ‘Pua. Bag. ‘Pua. There’s gonna be a fight. They’re coming towards each other. People start to clear out a circle. There’s definitely going to be a fight. Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch. Harpua let an evil drip of saliva fall onto the ground. A fight is about to begin!

Look, the storm’s gone...